My Grandmother and Reflection on Chapter 1

Helen Mack Davies (Swayze) 1908 - 2011

My grandma died at 102 years old in a nursing home surrounded by all the cherished possessions she could fit into her half of a double occupancy room.  She was lucid up until a week or so before she passed, finally giving up on a very long, happy, and productive life.  This photo was taken the year she died... and she looks quite dapper, doesn't she?  She was always concerned about looking good.  Funny, how women fuss about their hair, even at 102!!

The decision to put Grandma into a home came when just before her centennial birthday she was having hallucinations and took to wandering around the assisted living facility she had resided in for two decades.  We were called one night by the supervisor to come see her when she was insisting that children were waving to her from outside her window and upsetting her dog.  Grandma didn't have a dog.  Grandma had a stuffed animal.

 I took a picture of her with the dog that night to show her later - when she was lucid again.  We took her to the doctor the next day who described her visions as a result of macular degeneration.  Her lucidity decline was described as dementia and age-related decline.  She could no longer be trusted to live alone, and reluctantly we moved her into a home where she died two years later. 

This post is not about her health decline.  I write it both in tribute to this wonderful woman and to document the stages of development she went through as she aged.

The adult life of Helen Mack - Swayze - Davies...

Helen was married young, around 18 years old, and we believe she was pregnant with Aunt Phyllis.  Eleven months after that, my mom Beverly was born.  Eighteen YEARS later, my uncle Dick was born.  Helen's husband Bill was a Justice of the Peace, a gas station owner, a diabetic and we believe an alcoholic.  After Grandpa died in his 50s, Grandma married his friend Gordon (Skip) Davies.  Grandpa Skip and Grandma shared a long marriage ~20 years or so.  They square-danced, traveled to Florida every winter, camped every summer, played cards, and enjoyed a very social life.  Grandpa Skip got Alzheimer's Disease in his seventies and  died in his eighties.  Grandma moved into assisted living after that and enjoyed her small apartment where she spent hours watching the birds and her soap operas.  She remained active with her friends and came to all the family events.  She drove herself well into her 90's.  She celebrated a wonderful 99th birthday party where my mom, my sister, and I sang for her.  Grandma's birthday was in December, so the Activity Room at the center was always decorated so nicely.  It was in her 99th year that her mental and physical health took a steady decline.  She lost interest in her social activities when her friends passed away, and she spent most of her time worrying about her only living child, my mother.  Grandma and my mother were best friends being only 21 years apart in age.  Aunt Phyllis and Uncle Dick both died young; Phyllis from diabetes and Dick from lung cancer.  It was only Mom and Grandma.  Mom made a visit every week and they went out to lunch and did her finances together.


Stability the parts of ourselves that are the same over time (Bjorklund, 2008) and make up a "consistent core" (p. 5).
Grandma was a feisty thing full of live and laughter.  I can remember her cooking family meals and raising dachshunds. I remember music and singing, and noise.  She was always a big hugger - pressing her massive chest into you for a big squeeze.  She was NOT shy, and she liked to tease.  Talking to my mother, it sounds like Grandma was always that way - even as a little girl.  Her hardy personality - hardly ever sick - carried through as an elderly woman.  She took no medication until we took her to the nursing home and she had to take pills for the dementia.

Change is what happens to us over time that makes us different from or younger selves (Bjorklund, 2008).  Grandma had a very stable life even through two marriages and a house fire.  The change for her came with each person she buried.  As time went on, her laughter diminished into worry lines.  She voiced a lot of worry over her family.  This worry affected her health and jolliness.  After the house fire, Grandpa Skip's Alzheimer's really flared up and he died only a few short years later.  Grandma spent many years caring for him, and I believe that also took it's toll.  Grandma and Grandpa Skip could no longer travel to Florida or camp in the ADK's.

Continuous is slow and gradual taking us into a predictable direction (Bjorklund, 2008).  Grandma learned many things over the years.  One of her hobbies was cooking.  She perfected recipes and enjoyed trying them out on us.  She also learned different square dancing steps.  She was crafty, too.  she made some new cross-stitch or ceramic object (remember the ceramic era?) for the family each year.

Stages is when the journey seems to have no progress and then suddenly an abrupt change (Bjorklund, 2008).  There are four types of stages:  typical, atypical, outer, and inner.  For Grandma, a typical stage would be marriage to Bill and an atypical stage would be his death and her remarriage to Grandpa Skip.  An inner change could be her feelings of depression due to the loss of her aging friends and the outward change would be her social decline (not attending social gatherings at the senior center).

Normative age-graded influences are those experiences linked to age and experienced by most adults as they grow older (Bjorklund, 2008).  Some examples of biological influences for Grandma would be the timing of her biological clock - child bearing, menopause, physical decline.  Some examples of social clock for Grandma is the timing of her marriage, work, and retirement.

Nonnormative Life Events are those aspects that are unique to you (Bjorklund, 2008).  Examples of this are her death and remarriage, and her children predeceasing her.

Grandma had a full life and we all miss her.  When she passed, my mom discovered a fiber optic snowman that now resides in the home that my mother and I share.  We love him.  He reminds us every Christmas of our past, our present, and our future.  He teaches us patience (have you ever watched one go through the light cycles?), and he teaches us about beauty.  Grandma (and my mother, too) used to say, "take time to stop and smell the roses".  We do, Grandma, for you!